Medical events have been an ongoing part of my life for over a decade. I can remember that I was once "well," but I can't remember how that feels. Correction - I do know how it feels to be well, because I get glimpses of it now and then. Moments of reprieve where my body doesn't hate me. Sometimes it's a few days, sometimes it's weeks or months. But, I can't remember how it feels to not have a long medical history. To not have a neurologist, dermatologist, and urogynecologist that I see regularly, and lots of other -ologists I've had to see. To not have problems looking for diagnosis, and great doctors with no answers.
I forget how it feels to not wonder during the good times when it will get bad again.
The Lord has humbled me in my body - to rid me of the god of health and put Himself on the throne as the Healer of my life. He is the Great Physician, but it has only been as a sick person that I have really appreciated how great He is. And how this Physician is more interested in my spiritual well-being than my physical well-being.
By breaking my body, He has strengthened my soul.
I live with chronic illness. Not a chronic illness. My problems are varied and often strange. If I'm not dealing with a long-term effect of the most major event of my medical history - a brain tumor diagnosis in 2004 - then it will be some random thing that I have to go to a doctor and track down an answer for. Living like this is difficult. Some days it feels almost impossible. But I am in the care of the Great Physician. And as I carry this cross, His strength is sufficient for me. And I'm never going to stop talking about that.
This blog came about because I was writing a book that I couldn't end. I fretted over what direction I should take it. When the answer came, I wrote about it on my other blog, as part of another post:
I started to think outside my own desires. It's a novel concept I should do more often. An ongoing struggle needs an ongoing story.The full impact of my story - the drama, suspense, fears, joys, prayers, and praises, all the highs and lows - actually exists in the evolving nature of it. Let's say, hypothetically, that I do eventually come to a place where I could put a The End to my book. Consider the people that would read it, however many years from now. I would hope that they could take something uplifting from it, that my story would cause them to praise God and seek His strength for their own trials. But they would miss the day in and day out, including the tangents and gritty parts that the editor cut because they didn't forward the story or I went over my page limit. For instance, I might want to communicate, "Hey, my foot is acting up today and I'm struggling to keep my attitude in check because I really wanted to hike with my family." That's the moment that doesn't go in the book because it's not profound enough. It's also the moment that I need a lot of prayer. It's times like that I want the family of God praying for me. And I want people to say, "I know how you feel. Can you pray for me too?." In the moment.
So I decided to start another blog, and give it the dedication I was giving to writing my book... before I got stuck on where to go with it. It's called In the Care of the Great Physician. My plan is to get it up and running after the first of the year. It's not baseball, but I figure, if I write it... I know for sure there are a lot of people like me with ongoing challenges, and I hope that the Lord can use me to touch their lives, and them to touch mine"
It's the words that need saying, the vehicle isn't as important right now. I want to inspire people, and be inspired by them. Maybe you need a word of encouragement, or you can encourage me. I'd love to hear your story.
Thanks for reading my blog. Have a blessed day, and come back soon!