Broken

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. ~ Romans 5:3-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~ James 1:2-4

My grandmother lived with my mother during the late stages of Alzheimer's, and I remember my mom explaining to my children why their great-grandmother acted the way she did. 

"Something in her brain is broken," my mom told them, trying to get them to understand the bizarre and sometimes mean behavior my grandmother displayed.

Then the day came when I got the news that Grandma has passed away in the night. I dropped the kids at a friend's house and went to my mom's. We gently washed Grandma's body and redressed it, getting her ready for the funeral home to come pick her up. I'm crying now writing this, because I miss her, but also because it was a profound experience. The thing that struck me most that day was that she was finally at peace from all the demons her broken body plagued her with. 

As a person living with chronic illness, and almost daily pain, there are days when I long for the relief that moving on from this world will bring. The healing of my brokenness. There are many Christian platitudes that seek to bring comfort to the broken.

Suffering makes you grow spiritually. 

God will give you strength for today. 

Your witness will bring glory to the Lord.

You've probably heard all these and more. But they aren't really just platitudes are they? They seem like it when people say them all the time, and when you are weary from a constant physical battle. But they are based on God's Word. They are based on the love of God, which we have access to through Christ's own broken body. 

So, let's grasp hold of these truths right now - even if just for a moment, or an hour, or a day. God knows that we will all struggle to lean on him for comfort. But today let's believe the platitudes. Let's meditate on the same old scripture and ask God to make it new to us and real in our lives. 


Lord, give us strength for this day, and use our suffering to grow us and use us in this world. Help us to look afresh at the truths of your word, and take them to heart, not dismiss them as just platitudes. Amen.

Abba

Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." ~ Galatians 4:6

I often sleep in while my kids get up and get going on their breakfast and school work. But this morning, I feel the warm presence of my son in bed next to me. He's feeling bad. Sore throat, stuffy nose, tired. He'll be fine, and he'll go about his day. But right now, he tightens in beside me so I can wrap my arms around him and make him feel better. If not physically, at least emotionally. It's what parents do - we kiss the boo boos and give out the hugs. Our kids climb into our laps so we can make them feel better. 

There are so many days that I find myself wanting to crawl into the lap of God. I want him to kiss whatever is hurting me that day, and give me strength in his hug. And why not? The term Abba means father, but not just the title father that Jesus uses so many times to refer to his Father in heaven. In the context, it's an intimate title, like a child calling out to her daddy. And God wants us to relate to him as children - to come to him for what we need, cry in his arms, and ask him for help. He is God, yes, and deserving of all respect and glory. But he is also a daddy that invites us to snuggle up and let him comfort us. 

On the really bad days, I cry out to God as King of the universe. The One who has the power to move mountains and do miraculous things in my body. On my good days, I thank him for the respite from my suffering. But it's those days in between - the kind of days that most of my days are - that I can forget that my daddy in heaven does care about me, and he loves for me to call on him and get a quick spiritual hug. Because that's what parents do. And through the blood of Christ, we are adopted children of God. 

Do you ever forget that you can relate to God as your Abba? 


Lord God, help us to remember that we have a father in heaven that cares about every little physical and emotional bump and bruise. Help us to come to you as little children, crying out "Abba, Father." And help each person reading this to lean on your strength to get through whatever challenges this day brings. Amen.

Getting Back To It

Have you hopped over here from the A to Z Challenge list? Or maybe my other blog? Or maybe you follow this blog and you've been wondering where in the world I've been...

You'll see my last post was last April, when I suddenly dropped out of the A to Z Challenge. Life had become too difficult. It goes like that with me. I have good days and bad, good months and bad months. Sometimes I feel bad for a really long time. Last April started a decline in my health that made it difficult for me to keep up with all I had going on. So this blog got ignored, and my other blog limped along.

But I'm back again. I'm starting an upswing, thanks in huge part to a wonderful Hematologist I started seeing a few months ago. It's still a battle, but I'm winning for now. So once again I will attempt the A to Z Challenge. This year I'm doing something a little different - and a lot scary. I'll be attempting to write my first devotionals for the chronically ill.

I ask for prayers as I try to prepare my heart and mind for this new experience. God is able to give me the strength to complete this challenge. And I hope that is what His will is. We'll see.

So for everyone planning to follow me and/or pray for me this April - thank you. It means more to me than you can imagine.

Falling Behind

This blog is about living with chronic illness. Illness which has reared up ugly in the last week or so. I struggled to maintain both my blogs, as well as edit my daughter's daily blog post. But, as you can see, I fell behind in the A-Z Challenge on this blog.

My intention is to catch up. I do have a story to tell. And I love the challenge and all the great people I'm meeting. So, by Monday I hope to be back on track, caught up with all my missed letters.

In the meantime, check out:
Coffee in the Garden (my other blog)
Growing up Victoria (my daughter's blog)
Mothering God's Children (my sister's blog)

Great Physician

Tomorrow we celebrate Christ risen. This Great Physician conquered even death. How can I not trust Him to take care of my life?

Happy Easter! He is Risen!

Forgiveness

Today is Good Friday. I'm not writing a post about myself.

F is for Forgiveness. And I'll direct you to my other blog, Coffee in the Garden, for my thoughts on that.

Have a beautiful day!

The E.N.T

One of the issues I deal with constantly is doctors not being able to tell me what's wrong. I went to my PCP because of horrible ear pain I was having when I was in the cold or wind, and sometimes just randomly. They told me there was pressure behind my ear, but no infection. Of course, it's always, "come back and see us if you are still in pain in a couple of weeks."  After a few weeks, I decided to go see an Otolaryngologis, a.k.a an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. Having been to sooo many doctors, I get a feeling almost right away about whether I'll like anew doctor. I liked this one. Yay! A little victory.

Alas, after a thorough exam, he could not find anything wrong that could be causing my ear pain. There is a possibility that my TMJ is irritating the nerves near the ear, or that it's part of my neuropathic pain. Either way, I walked out of there with no real answers, and advice to talk to my dentist and neurologist. Every unknown requires at least one, usually multiple, trips to other doctors. And I get tired of that.

But God knows what's wrong with my ear. He knows what's wrong with my foot. Maybe at some point He'll choose to have these things revealed to me and treated. Maybe He won't. But He is my ultimate Physician, and I know His care for me is greater than any doctor out there. So I trust in that truth.