tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39022915988897391212024-02-19T10:28:05.045-05:00In The Care Of The Great PhysicianChristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-8224887209134228372014-03-20T12:43:00.000-04:002014-03-20T12:46:42.882-04:00GAPS Month One UpdateLet me tell you a few things about myself.<br />
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One - I love coffee.<br />
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Two - lately I don't feel like writing. Why? I don't know. Sometimes I think Satan is trying to to keep me from doing something that I firmly believe is a calling for me. My blogs may not show it of late, but I actually am a good writer. And I have stuff to say. But it just won't come out right, so I get frustrated.<br />
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Three - all my adult life my hair has had a weird kind of annoying, uneven wave that was neither curly nor straight.<br />
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Four - I love chickens, and I have a lot of them!<br />
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The first three things relate to this update. The fourth thing I mentioned just in case you were wondering. :)<br />
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I'm going to throw three weeks of updates at you at once... because, see #2 above. I keep putting my updates off, until here we are almost seven weeks in, and I am just now forcing myself to finish this.<br />
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So, here goes.<br />
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<b>Week Two: Couch and Curls</b><br />
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My second week on GAPS was characterized by a desire to rest constantly, and I spent a good portion of the week lying on the couch. Not surprisingly, I had no desire to cook. On thing you have to do on GAPS is cook. Some days I feel like never get out of the kitchen. At some point, maybe I'll get organized enough to do all my cooking for the week on one day. Like Mondays would be my cooking day, and I'd do all my food prep for the entire week. Who am I kidding? Nice thought, but homeschooling two kids and trying to run the beginning of a homestead, my "organizational" style is more like fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and put-out-the-fires-in-front-of-me. Back to week two and my desire to lay on the couch... we ate lots of eggs. I was still making bone broth, and would boil it with onions and mushrooms and eat that twice a day. I ate almond butter with raw honey mixed together in a bowl, lots of avocado, mini hamburgers, and chicken from making the broth.<br />
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At some point during the week I began to think seriously about getting a juicer. The book says it's not a necessity, but I was already buying processed apple juice for my son to mix his probiotic powder into. He'd have about 2 ounces in the morning, so not a lot. But it just didn't sit well with me that it was processed and not fresh. For those who don't know, juice starts to oxidize and lose its nutritional and detoxifying benefits within a very short time after processing. I also knew that straight apple juice isn't all that healthy anyway; I wanted to get carrots, celery, beets, etc. into his juice. But at the time I couldn't afford a juicer.<br />
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So here's an amazing thing that happened in week two - my hair started getting curly, and I loved it! I'd use a shampoo bar in the shower, then put a small amount of avocado oil on it after it had dried for a few minutes. Truly wash and go - no more time spent trying to blow dry or hot iron out that weird wave. I have no idea what has been suppressing my curly genetics (I'm really the only one of my siblings with straight hair), but apparently it's not happening any longer.<br />
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Also during week two my digestive problems improved dramatically, and my skin stopped itching. Praise the Lord for progress!<br />
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<b>Week Three: Pain, Coffee, and the E word.</b><br />
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I turned the corner on my exhaustion. My energy levels started to increase, and I no longer wanted to lay around all day. I took my afternoon nap only three out of seven days that week. On the flip side, I had a flare up of a foot condition I have that is so painful it's debilitating, even though I have a high pain tolerance. I knew that taking ibuprofen would help, but I also knew that it would set me back in my gut healing. As a doula and childbirth educator, I am familiar with natural pain coping techniques, but this foot thing is a different (scary, vicious) animal. Both heat and cold cause more pain. I can't tolerate water on it or anything touching it. I didn't have any Arnica pills in the house, or I would have tried that first. It would have been nice to lay down and focus all my energy on mental coping techniques, but I couldn't stop my life for that. So I reached out to my Facebook friends. What can I use to control this pain? A friend suggested the <a href="http://www.lostrivernaturals.com/Turmeric-Vitality.html" target="_blank">Turmeric Vitality Tea</a> that I had recently bought from her. Apparently, turmeric is a natural anti-inflammatory. The tea took the edge off for a little while. But then I woke up in the middle of the night, sobbing. It was excruciating. Worse than any flare-up I've had in a long time. So I took the ibuprofen. And fifteen minutes later I was thanking God for the person who invented it. The flare-up lasted a few more days, and I took ibuprofen a couple more times. Whenever I was able to touch it, I also used <a href="http://www.topricinfoot.com/" target="_blank">this cream </a>(recommended by my mother), which helped with the pain.<br />
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Many people thought this flare-up was a die-off reaction, and I agreed. I was also felt bloated and had a constant minor but annoying headache that week. My thought was that my body wasn't ridding itself of die-off toxins fast enough. So... I decided to go for it... the E word... a thing that is very common in eastern cultures, but westerners don't even like to think about. That is, I bought an enema kit and gave it a try. Enemas are known for having incredible detoxifying and healing capabilities, including having an almost immediate positive effect on liver function. Adding probiotics to the water also allows for a concentrated dose of good bacteria to bypass the hostile environment of the stomach. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and, honestly, afterward I felt amazing. If you're brave enough to try for yourself, an important point here is to get a reusable enema kit and use only filtered water with no salt added.<br />
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By the end of week three, I had moved out of the introduction diet into the full GAPS diet. Things I still can't eat include high-starch vegetables, legumes, grains, and processed sugars. The book is very helpful in that it has a lists of recommended foods and those that aren't allowed. I copied these pages and stuck them in my purse in case of unexpected trips to the grocery store. I started making baked goods with almond and coconut flours, and bought an amazing cookbook - <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Against-All-Grain-Delectable-Recipes/dp/1936608367" target="_blank">Against all Grain</a>. It's a paleo cookbook, so some of the recipes I can't use just yet, but it's still one of the best (and most beautiful) cookbooks I've ever used.<br />
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Coffee is allowed on GAPS - one cup a day, freshly-brewed, without cream or sugar. Despite loving coffee, I hadn't added that back in because I don't like it black, so I didn't see a point. But I have a confession to make. At the end of week three, I was out running errands that took me by Starbucks. I had been thinking that a trial of eating something I wasn't allowed to have would help me see if this crazy diet was actually helping. So I decided that thing would be a Caramel Machiatto. For the purpose intellectual inquiry. Are you buying that? No? Me neither. The truth is that I saw the Starbucks and tried to come up with an excuse to get a drink. just. this. once. So I talked myself into it (which took all of about 3 seconds), and got a tall. First, after being off processed sugar for three weeks, this drink that I used to love was way too sweet. Second, I stated to pay for it almost immediately. Over the previous three weeks I had experienced a gradual lessening of symptoms related to my interstitial cystitis. Well, those came back along with stomach cramps and a headache. In the end, my "intellectual inquiry" did teach me something - my body doesn't like Starbucks.<br />
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As an aside, putting coffee in your enema has an even more powerful effect on your liver, and, I've read, can stop a migraine almost immediately. That I have not tried.<br />
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<b>Week Four: Sauerkraut and Setbacks</b><br />
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Because of my profession, my mind conjures birth metaphors on a daily basis. As I finished out my first month on GAPS, I would liken it to the pushing stage of labor. Difficult. Lots of hard work. Two steps forward, one step back.<br />
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I got some 7 month old homemade sauerkraut out of the fridge and decided to give it a try (after inspection for nasty smells, slimy stuff, and mold). It was not only delicious, my body seemed like it couldn't get enough of it. I knew that I needed more probiotic foods in my diet - actually a fundamental part of GAPS healing - so I ate some sauerkraut daily. Also, the Lord blessed us unexpectedly with money to buy and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Omega-J8004-Nutrition-Commercial-Masticating/dp/B001RLYOEE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395333436&sr=8-1&keywords=omega+8004" target="_blank">Omega 8004 juicer/nutiriton center,</a> so we started juicing every morning. Our typical just consists of carrots, apples, beets, and beet greens. Sometimes celery. The recommended ratio of "therapeutic" ingredients to "flavor" ingredients is 50:50. We are doing about 60:40.<br />
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But then I started to feel bad again. My skin started itching and my nose started getting runny and stuffed up again. I again started getting tired every afternoon. This is the hard part about going into the full GAPS diet without introducing one food at a time (which is time consuming and annoying): when you do have a reaction to something, it's hard to know what that something is. So I was faced with this puzzle. It could be that the combined detoxing effect of juicing and the sauerkraut put me back into a die-off phase. It could be that I'm sensitive to the brassica family of vegetables (cabbage, broccoli, kale, etc.) It could be that I'm sensitive to the almond flour I was using with increasing frequency. Perhaps it was something else I was eating. Taking the advice of one of my wise younger sisters, I dropped the sauerkraut from my daily regime to see if that helped. It didn't.<br />
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So at the end of month one, I am significantly better off than what I was at the beginning. Some problems are reverting, and I have the detective job of finding out why. Life is crazy and GAPS is hard. I still crave Starbucks.<br />
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And this is still the best decision I have made on behalf of my health in a very long time.<br />
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-12313372348010841232014-02-25T09:41:00.000-05:002014-02-25T09:41:53.147-05:00GAPS - Week 1: I can breathe again!I can only describe this first week on the diet as rough. Debilitating. Depressing.<br />
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Whenever a person starves the bad bacteria in his or her body, the resulting "die-off" of these bacteria results in symptoms we often refer to as detoxing. Detoxing is actually the process of removing toxins- including the dead bacteria - from the body. Die-off floods the body with death pathogenic bacteria, causing sometimes extremely pronounced discomfort - including fatigue, nausea, irritability, headache, intense cravings, depression, and various other maladies.<br />
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Yeah, my week was kinda like ALL that. On top of it, my son is participating in this diet too - for mood stability, control of ADHD symptoms, and alleviation of digestive issues. He was cranky and complaining from day one. He threw up his second night. He told me every fifteen minutes almost every day that he was not doing this anymore.<br />
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But, there was one bright light in this otherwise awful week. I can breathe again. For a very long time, I have been unable to breathe through my nose at night, and always had sinus pressure during the day. I figured I was allergic to something. Apparently it was something I was eating, because after just one week on this diet, my nasal passages are open! I didn't even realize how bad it had gotten until it was better. So praise God for that - it gave me a little glimmer of hope that things would get better.<br />
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So what did I eat this week?<br />
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The GAPS introduction diet has six stages. A person moves through them as fast or slow as their digestive symptoms will allow. I got through stage three, moving into four this week. The first stage is basically bone broths, meat stocks, and soups made with meats and low-starch vegetables. My typical meal would be soup with carrots and onions boiled in broth until soft. Then right at the end, I'd add chopped garlic and let it sit for a few minutes. I'd add chicken or beef to the soups. I have also been drinking lots of organic herbal detox tea from <a href="http://www.lostrivernaturals.com/" target="_blank">Lost River Naturals</a> and taking a digestive enzyme and a powerful probiotic.<br />
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The next couple of stages, I added raw egg yolks (into the soups), homemade yogurt with raw, unfiltered honey, and avocado. A key component of the meals is a high fat content. I cooked eggs in lots of butter and/or coconut oil. I'd put a couple tablespoons of butter with chopped onions and mushrooms and cook on low for 20 minutes.<br />
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Other than the detox symptoms, the hardest part of week 1 was giving up the coffee. I did, however, discover an energy booster (recommended by GAPS protocol) for an energy boost when a person can't have caffeine. See Fat and Honey on my blog <a href="http://www.foodinthegarden.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Food in the Garden</a>.<br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-59680395928548579892014-02-17T14:23:00.001-05:002014-02-17T14:23:09.481-05:00Starting the GAPS diet, Part 2: Things that Ail MeIn <a href="http://www.careofthegreatphysician.blogspot.com/2014/02/starting-gaps-diet-part-1-desperate.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a>, I talked about my chronic anemia, of which my doctors can't find the cause. I also said that my anemia is only one of my issues. Now I'll tell you a little more, so you might fully comprehend what drives me in this undertaking.<br />
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My typical day starts with me dragging myself out of bed around 7am. The chickens need feeding, and even though I want to sleep for another two hours, I get up. I stumble around. Not from lack of sleep, but from lack of balance. I just can't seem to put one foot in front of the other without swaying this way and that. My body compensates most of the time, but occasionally I will run into a wall, fall over when putting on my shoes, or tumble into the foot of snow that graces my property right now.<br />
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Before GAPS, I would come in from feeding the chickens and get a cup of coffee. Decaf, because I have to take my anti-seizure medication and it doesn't go well with caffeine. No breakfast for me, because 9 days out of 10 I feel nauseated. I help my kids with their school. By 11am, my body is screaming to lay down. By 11:30am, my brain starts having trouble processing. Sometimes it takes awhile to translate sound into words when someone speaks to me, and I sit there staring like an idiot trying to figure out what has been said. If I see "call…" on my to-do list, I get anxious, because not being able to see someone when they talk to me makes it that much harder. Yes, my hearing has been checked several times - it's my brain that isn't working right.<br />
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On a good day, I'll try to get some chores done. On a bad day, I'll be laying on the couch by noon, desperate to take a nap. Somewhere in there I eat breakfast and lunch. By 1pm, I have to nap. And this nap can go on for two or three hours… and I won't feel better when I wake up. I have my second cup of coffee - caffeine this time, or else I won't make it through the next few hours. I help my kids with school if they need it, try to get some housework done, and think about dinner. My wonderful daughter makes dinner a lot, because I just don't have the strength. Literally, some days I can barely lift my arm above my head (one reason I rarely blow dry my hair anymore). At dinner, I sit in the chair that's against the wall on one side, and lean on the wall. My posture is shot because I just can't seem to hold myself upright. And after dinner, I just want to sit and do nothing. Not even play a card game with the kids.<br />
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Then it's time for the kids to go to bed. An hour later, my husband goes to bed. And I sit up. Not because I'm not tired, but because all the stimulation of the day makes me desperate for a quiet hour alone in the evenings.<br />
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All that is if I am home for the day. When I have to go out, everything is worse. One day a week we have an all-day outing (for school) that includes 90 minutes of driving each way. Those days I am so wiped out by the end of them that I can't do anything that evening or half of the next day. Even "going to town" to run errands is exhausting, and I frequently cut the list short because I need my remaining energy to make it home without falling asleep.<br />
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I hope this paints a good picture of the full weight of the word exhausted for me. Debilitating is not an overstatement. So if this way of eating increases my energy levels and my iron absorption, I will call it a success. But as I said in my first post, every system in my body has problems. My symptoms range from minor annoyances to incredibly painful. I go through periods of time when only one or two things are bothering me, and then periods of time when a myriad of things are happening at once and grind my normal life to a stand still.<br />
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My problems include a myriad of digestive issues. Being a lady, I won't elaborate on this too much, but suffice it to say I have most of the symptoms of IBS and then some. Along with that, I have been diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, which is a chronic inflammation of the lining of the bladder. Basically, I have symptoms of a mild bladder infection (but no infection) all the time, with periodic flare ups of more intensity.<br />
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My reproductive system is all messed up - also something I won't elaborate on except to say I have chronic pelvic pain and I get every PMS symptom known to man. I have also been diagnosed with Endometriosis.<br />
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My skin is excessively dry, itchy and pale with frequent unusual random rashes. When I am going through a "down" period with my health, my face takes on the depressed pallor of death warmed over. There is a strange problem I get on my right foot. Both the skin and nervous systems systems are involved, but it is still undiagnosed after 18 years of periodic flare ups. Even after a biopsy, the doctors couldn't tell me what it is. What I do know is that it is incredibly painful, to the point where I can't walk on it and can't have even water touching it. This is my one ailment that I usually end up taking pain medicine (Ibuprofen) for. Recently I figured out a way to describe how it feels: like my foot is on fire and has a migraine at the same time.<br />
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Then there are my neurological problems. Inability to concentrate, memory lapses, migraines, sensory hallucinations (manifesting as migratory intense pain or burning sensations, but different from my foot), Restless Leg Syndrome, and Temporal Lobe seizures, as well as being easily overstimulated. All these things are exacerbated when I'm tired, so periodic bouts of insomnia make life exponentially worse. Mood instability and anxiety also make the list… lately with a disconcerting increase in frequency. <br />
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All of this is why I'm so desperate to do something to help my body heal. I've given modern medicine its chance, and it has failed me in many ways. It's important for me to reiterate that I have sought medical help. Some of my past symptoms led to being diagnosed with a brain tumor. I've also been diagnosed with a seizure disorder, and, as I mentioned, Endometriosis and Interstitial Cystitis. I feel confident going into the GAPS diet fully understanding that I do not have any life-threatening medical problems right now. If you're reading this and you have medical problems you think the GAPS diet might help, see your doctor if you haven't. Trying to get a diagnosis, even if ultimately they can't give you one, at least gives you a place to start.<br />
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-23022388738864023102014-02-03T09:59:00.001-05:002014-02-03T10:02:38.276-05:00Starting the GAPS diet; Part 1 - Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You'll see I've taken a long sabbatical from updating my blogs - in part because of my health challenges. The problem with wanting to write about living with chronic illness is that the thing I want to write about is the very thing stealing the energy and mental clarity I need to write. But I think this next journey I'm taking is worth sharing... even if that means some rambling, unedited posts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We moved six months ago from a small city lot in Maryland to a 5 acre plot in rural Virginia. And we got chickens and we built fences, and we ordered fruit trees. Now we "go to town" for things instead of "run out" for things. And my health and vitality and brain function have ridden the roller coaster with all the changes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Before we moved, I had been getting IV iron infusions periodically to treat persistent anemia that didn't respond to oral iron supplements. So I found a new hematologist in VA. And he, like every single doctor I have seen in the past 15 years, asked me if I'd been tested for autoimmune diseases. I'm not exaggerating when I say every single doctor. They've all thought my clinical presentation was that of a body fighting against itself, but not one of them can put a name to my condition. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I keep coming back to the conclusion that modern medicine has nothing to offer me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Enter Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride and GAPS: Gut and Psychology Syndrome. She is an MD who holds a Master of Medical Science in Neurology and a Master of Medical Science in nutrition. I had been hearing about the GAPS diet from various health and nutrition bloggers and friends with undiagnosed medical problems. But it is intense, and I didn't want to admit I was there yet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What is Gut and Psychology Syndrome? Here's a concise explanation, from <a href="http://www.gaps.me/" target="_blank">this</a> website: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gut and Psychology Syndrome (GAP Syndrome or GAPS) is a condition which establishes a connection between the functions of the digestive system and the brain. This term was created by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride, MD MMedSci (neurology), MMedSci (human nutrition) in 2004 after working with hundreds of children and adults with neurological and psychiatric conditions, such as autistic spectrun disorders, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD/ADD), schizophrenia, dyslexia, dyspraxia, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bi-polar disorder and other neuro-psychological and psychiatric problems. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The principle behind using GAPS to treat other conditions - like autoimmune conditions - is that all disease starts in the gut. And people have been using the gut-healing GAPS protocol to treat many other conditions including, very successfully, autoimmune conditions. Shortly before we moved, I borrowed the GAPS book from a friend, skimmed through it, and gave it back. Like I said, I didn't think I was there yet. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then we moved. Months went by. After awhile I realized that in many way moving to the country had been good for me (fresh air, quiet, and the requisite slow down), but my overall physical condition continued to worsen. So I started to think maybe I am in the desperate times-desperate measures place. I bought my own copy of the book, began to read it, then came across this paragraph (emphasis mine):</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most people with abnormal gut flora have various stages of anemia. It is not surprising. They not only can't absorb essential-for-blood vitamins and minerals from food, but their own production of these vitamins is damaged. On top of that, people with damaged gut flora often having a particular group of pathogenic bacteria growing in their gut, which are iron-loving bacteria. ... They consume whatever iron the person gets from the diet, leaving that person deficient in iron. <b>Unfortunately, supplementing iron makes these bacteria grow stronger and does not remedy anemia. </b></span></blockquote>
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Dr. Campbell-McBride was the first doctor to offer an explanation as to why, despite taking high-dose iron supplements along with an iron-rich diet, my anemia continued to worsen. And that was the moment when I knew I <b>had</b> to do it.<br />
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My anemia is only a small part of the disaster that is my health. Pretty much every major system in my body is functioning improperly. Part 2 will be about these health issues and what my expectations are. I actually start the diet tomorrow, and will be detailing my experiences here on my blog. <b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;"> </b><br />
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<b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;"><br /></b>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-32833221454848235812013-04-10T23:29:00.001-04:002013-04-10T23:29:09.962-04:00H is for Horrible, Homestead, and Honesty<br />
Yes, I jumped from C to H. Fellow A to Z bloggers, I have to announce that my challenge for this year is over. My H words will tell the story.<br />
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First: Horrible.<br />
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I have had a crippling cold the past week that has kept me on the couch, feeling too horrible to do anything. My throat hurt like I was swallowing knives. I had to blow my nose so much that my skin in that area and around my upper lip was cracking and bleeding. I had a headache from the sinus pressure. No matter how much water I drank, I could not get hydrated. And I was exhausted. It takes a lot of misery from a cold before I turn to pharmaceuticals... but this time I actually took some OTC cold medicines! Those who know me well know just how significant that is. But even NyQuil didn't put a dent in my symptoms. Natural remedies to ease symptoms and shorten the duration of my cold also didn't seem to help. But slowly I am bouncing back.<br />
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So that's what derailed me from the Challenge.<br />
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Second: Homestead.<br />
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This is really exciting news. My husband and I just signed a contract on a new house! Not just any house, though. A house on 5 acres in the country. Unrestricted land - some cleared, some wooded. We can have all manner of animals (plans so far include chickens and bees) and plant lots of gardens. Truly a homestead, not just a house.<br />
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Third: Honesty.<br />
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I try to do too much. It's just my personality. Moving out of the constraints of the city into the freedom and fresh air of the Virginia mountains is a huge step. And buying a house and getting moved in general is always a lot of work. This month I'm also preparing to give a purity workshop to some teens at my church, which is also a lot of work. It finally came down to being honest before the Lord and with myself. I can't do everything, and other things need to take priority right now. The most obvious time drain to cut was the A to Z Challenge.<br />
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A huge thanks to all the people who have commented on my posts, on this blog and <a href="http://www.coffeeinthegarden.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">my other blog.</a> And even more thanks to the people who have visited my daughter's blog. She is continuing the challenge, and always has fun, insightful, and wise things to say, even if her grammar and spelling get muscled out by the creative side of her brain. If you haven't visited <a href="http://www.growingupvictoria.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Growing Up Victoria</a>, pop over there and say hello.<br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-36343267835989817502013-04-04T10:52:00.001-04:002013-04-04T10:52:55.011-04:00CourageMy prayer each day is that God will give me that strength I need for that day. Today I also need courage. To move on. To do what his will is. There is so much going on in life. And on top of my the physical issues I deal with regularly, I've also been sick with whatever yuck my community is passing around - on and off for weeks.<br />
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So today I'm just praying for the courage to continue to press forward. In this challenge, and in life.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-44347559969995066692013-04-02T11:59:00.001-04:002013-04-02T11:59:28.584-04:00Broken<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. </i>~ Romans 5:3-4</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.</i> ~ James 1:2-4</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My grandmother lived with my mother during the late stages of Alzheimer's, and I remember my mom explaining to my children why their great-grandmother acted the way she did. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Something in her brain is broken," my mom told them, trying to get them to understand the bizarre and sometimes mean behavior my grandmother displayed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then the day came when I got the news that Grandma has passed away in the night. I dropped the kids at a friend's house and went to my mom's. We gently washed Grandma's body and redressed it, getting her ready for the funeral home to come pick her up. I'm crying now writing this, because I miss her, but also because it was a profound experience. The thing that struck me most that day was that she was finally at peace from all the demons her broken body plagued her with. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As a person living with chronic illness, and almost daily pain, there are days when I long for the relief that moving on from this world will bring. The healing of my brokenness. There are many Christian platitudes that seek to bring comfort to the broken.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Suffering makes you grow spiritually.</i></span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i></i></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>God will give you strength for today.</i></span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i></i></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Your witness will bring glory to the Lord.</i></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You've probably heard all these and more. But they aren't really just platitudes are they? They seem like it when people say them all the time, and when you are weary from a constant physical battle. But they are based on God's Word. They are based on the love of God, which we have access to through Christ's own broken body. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, let's grasp hold of these truths right now - even if just for a moment, or an hour, or a day. God knows that we will all struggle to lean on him for comfort. But today let's believe the platitudes. Let's meditate on the same old scripture and ask God to make it new to us and real in our lives. </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lord, give us strength for this day, and use our suffering to grow us and use us in this world. Help us to look afresh at the truths of your word, and take them to heart, not dismiss them as just platitudes. Amen.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></i>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-79051184691244080442013-04-01T08:15:00.003-04:002013-04-01T08:34:51.885-04:00Abba<i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." ~ </i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Galatians 4:6</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I often sleep in while my kids get up and get going on their breakfast and school work. But this morning, I feel the warm presence of my son in bed next to me. He's feeling bad. Sore throat, stuffy nose, tired. He'll be fine, and he'll go about his day. But right now, he tightens in beside me so I can wrap my arms around him and make him feel better. If not physically, at least emotionally. It's what parents do - we kiss the boo boos and give out the hugs. Our kids climb into our laps so we can make them feel better. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are so many days that I find myself wanting to crawl into the lap of God. I want him to kiss whatever is hurting me that day, and give me strength in his hug. And why not? The term Abba means father, but not just the title father that Jesus uses so many times to refer to his Father in heaven. In the context, it's an intimate title, like a child calling out to her daddy. And God wants us to relate to him as children - to come to him for what we need, cry in his arms, and ask him for help. He is God, yes, and deserving of all respect and glory. But he is also a daddy that invites us to snuggle up and let him comfort us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">On the really bad days, I cry out to God as King of the universe. The One who has the power to move mountains and do miraculous things in my body. On my good days, I thank him for the respite from my suffering. But it's those days in between - the kind of days that most of my days are - that I can forget that my daddy in heaven does care about me, and he loves for me to call on him and get a quick spiritual hug. Because that's what parents do. And through the blood of Christ, we are adopted children of God. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Do you ever forget that you can relate to God as your Abba? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Lord God, help us to remember that we have a father in heaven that cares about every little physical and emotional bump and bruise. Help us to come to you as little children, crying out "Abba, Father." And help each person reading this to lean on your strength to get through whatever challenges this day brings. Amen.</i></span><br />
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-55472996012426017012013-02-25T14:48:00.000-05:002013-02-25T14:48:28.793-05:00Getting Back To ItHave you hopped over here from the A to Z Challenge list? Or maybe my other blog? Or maybe you follow this blog and you've been wondering where in the world I've been...<br />
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You'll see my last post was last April, when I suddenly dropped out of the A to Z Challenge. Life had become too difficult. It goes like that with me. I have good days and bad, good months and bad months. Sometimes I feel bad for a really long time. Last April started a decline in my health that made it difficult for me to keep up with all I had going on. So this blog got ignored, and my other blog limped along.<br />
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But I'm back again. I'm starting an upswing, thanks in huge part to a wonderful Hematologist I started seeing a few months ago. It's still a battle, but I'm winning for now. So once again I will attempt the A to Z Challenge. This year I'm doing something a little different - and a lot scary. I'll be attempting to write my first devotionals for the chronically ill.<br />
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I ask for prayers as I try to prepare my heart and mind for this new experience. God is able to give me the strength to complete this challenge. And I hope that is what His will is. We'll see.<br />
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So for everyone planning to follow me and/or pray for me this April - thank you. It means more to me than you can imagine.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-77315821256306803392012-04-11T14:26:00.001-04:002012-04-11T14:26:19.193-04:00Falling BehindThis blog is about living with chronic illness. Illness which has reared up ugly in the last week or so. I struggled to maintain both my blogs, as well as edit my daughter's daily blog post. But, as you can see, I fell behind in the A-Z Challenge on this blog. <br />
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My intention is to catch up. I do have a story to tell. And I love the challenge and all the great people I'm meeting. So, by Monday I hope to be back on track, caught up with all my missed letters.<br />
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In the meantime, check out:<br />
<a href="http://www.coffeeinthegarden.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Coffee in the Garden (my other blog)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.growingupvictoria.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Growing up Victoria (my daughter's blog)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.motheringgodschildren.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Mothering God's Children (my sister's blog) </a><br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-5841125659475074142012-04-07T13:18:00.002-04:002012-04-07T13:18:31.042-04:00Great Physician<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrmx1vaLMN1DCxuKyJoRbCnXnLX1-vRREBlPL94S-TdeIZ3EMJS7D351U64s3gPc6aFDGFJGy6quKpbxtOW1Kqtr1Ge7ebqMwqrjg-YtlHY_41fuZ94YihwHFN-a4M1QwOc5kh8zgU6P0N/s1600/tomb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrmx1vaLMN1DCxuKyJoRbCnXnLX1-vRREBlPL94S-TdeIZ3EMJS7D351U64s3gPc6aFDGFJGy6quKpbxtOW1Kqtr1Ge7ebqMwqrjg-YtlHY_41fuZ94YihwHFN-a4M1QwOc5kh8zgU6P0N/s320/tomb.jpg" width="212" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tomorrow we celebrate Christ risen. This Great Physician conquered even death. How can I not trust Him to take care of my life?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Happy Easter! He is Risen!</span></div>
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-8878730137107520992012-04-06T09:19:00.000-04:002012-04-06T09:19:31.798-04:00ForgivenessToday is Good Friday. I'm not writing a post about myself.<br />
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F is for Forgiveness. And I'll direct you to my other blog, <a href="http://www.coffeeinthegarden.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Coffee in the Garden</a>, for my thoughts on that.<br />
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Have a beautiful day!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-27135650075008008282012-04-05T12:09:00.002-04:002012-04-05T12:09:20.839-04:00The E.N.T<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM_JMY400MWjQekmssWTLvE07mOoCez9Oasbfz_eqtKJ1s2Bx2dvMkHqILnP9yGecEeTvNo9N6WD19AoBmkwPj7TOS6kQTqO235VNLZ96X4JDZ22ifQ2Aifs_IviFJry9GSGlf3eLD7rsV/s1600/ent_adult_ear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM_JMY400MWjQekmssWTLvE07mOoCez9Oasbfz_eqtKJ1s2Bx2dvMkHqILnP9yGecEeTvNo9N6WD19AoBmkwPj7TOS6kQTqO235VNLZ96X4JDZ22ifQ2Aifs_IviFJry9GSGlf3eLD7rsV/s200/ent_adult_ear.jpg" width="200" /></a>One of the issues I deal with constantly is doctors not being able to tell me what's wrong. I went to my PCP because of horrible ear pain I was having when I was in the cold or wind, and sometimes just randomly. They told me there was pressure behind my ear, but no infection. Of course, it's always, "come back and see us if you are still in pain in a couple of weeks." After a few weeks, I decided to go see an <span class="st">Otolaryngologis, a.k.a an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. Having been to sooo many doctors, I get a feeling almost right away about whether I'll like anew doctor. I liked this one. Yay! A little victory.</span><br />
<span class="st"><br /></span>
<span class="st">Alas, after a thorough exam, he could not find anything wrong that could be causing my ear pain. There is a possibility that my TMJ is irritating the nerves near the ear, or that it's part of my neuropathic pain. Either way, I walked out of there with no real answers, and advice to talk to my dentist and neurologist. Every unknown requires at least one, usually multiple, trips to other doctors. And I get tired of that.</span><br />
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<span class="st">But God knows what's wrong with my ear. He knows what's wrong with my foot. Maybe at some point He'll choose to have these things revealed to me and treated. Maybe He won't. But He is my ultimate Physician, and I know His care for me is greater than any doctor out there. So I trust in that truth. </span><br />
<span class="st"> </span>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-64641343375135484992012-04-04T09:20:00.005-04:002012-04-04T09:20:56.396-04:00Dermatology<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOsg3TfCiMrsucT9YdUJtbWabMb6bDSDZ9UcJ6OeNrHHHtC-vSpx7gWpIBnHxyLdn9yguLZ-oYuWiQmvtkjvnEGPvXY7Hp7UFvQsU3g0IT205GtIq27lmNL2qQoQGFb79_Fl2GaKwTbvWF/s1600/img_0982.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOsg3TfCiMrsucT9YdUJtbWabMb6bDSDZ9UcJ6OeNrHHHtC-vSpx7gWpIBnHxyLdn9yguLZ-oYuWiQmvtkjvnEGPvXY7Hp7UFvQsU3g0IT205GtIq27lmNL2qQoQGFb79_Fl2GaKwTbvWF/s200/img_0982.jpg" width="150" /></a>Since the age of 18, I've had a problem with my foot just show up randomly. It starts as a small red dot, on the side of my right foot. Over the next couple days, the whole side and sometimes part of the top of my foot will get red, swollen, hot, and excruciatingly painful to the touch and to walk on. This would go on for a couple days before it slowly went away. After the first couple times, I went to my family doctor. He said "Hmmm... we'll just see what happens with it."<br />
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It only happened maybe twice a year in the early years, so I just ignored it. But then in my mid-20s, it started happening more, and lasting longer - every couple months or so, lasting about a week. It really started to interfere with my life, because while it was going on, I couldn't sleep well (even the touch of the sheets against it would be horrible), and I couldn't walk well, if at all, because of the pain. Pain relievers barely helped. So I went to my new family doctor (new state, new doctor). He diagnosed erythema nodosum, which is usually occurs secondary to one of a bunch of other illnesses. But since I was healthy, it was more likely idiopathic. The choices were to get a ton of testing to try to hunt down the cause, or to just let it go and deal with it every couple months. I hate tests. So together we decided on the latter option.<br />
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Fast forward a few years, and I notice that it is coming in clusters. It would happen two or three times a month for three or four months, then not happen at all for another few months. During that time I was having test after test for a bunch of other issues, and I just did not want to deal with this stupid foot problem - which obviously wasn't going to kill me after all these years. But during the few months of it happening over and over, it greatly affected my life. So my husband insisted that I go see a specialist. <br />
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Enter the amazing team of dermatologists at Georgetown University Hospital in Washington, DC. It takes months to get into a place like that, so the first time I got in to see them, my foot was fine. But based on my description and the pictures I brought, they said, "No way it's erythema nodosum. ... but we don't know what it is." At that point, I had an open invitation to just show up whenever it happened next (except a weekend of course). It happened to be in a quiet time, so it took many more months before I was able to get in there while it was going on. They thought it was a fixed drug reaction... but that it must be related to food because I hadn't been taking any one particular drug since I was 18. I barely ever took Tylenol. So they did a biopsy. I should note that I had been tracking it over the years, trying to find something I was doing, eating, or being exposed to it seemed connected to. Nope, as far as I could tell, it is just random.<br />
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Here was the result: "It's not a fixed drug reaction... we actually don't know what it is... come back when it happens again and we'll reevaluate... we'll take you down and present you at NIH (National Institute of Health) if we have to." It's not very comforting when this awesome team of highly-respected doctors looks and me and says, "We don't know." <br />
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And that was almost a year ago. It's happened maybe twice since then, during times I was unable to make the hour drive to DC. Interestingly, my neurologist is thinking I have some variant of Lupus, and put me on high dose vitamin D (which is being used to treat some autoimmune disorders) about the same time I had my foot biopsy. I'm wondering if the vitamin D has something to do with the decrease in the occurrence. But those are the questions I'm sick of trying to figure out...Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-44541420703054556582012-04-03T08:00:00.000-04:002012-04-03T08:47:57.632-04:00Children<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirYMo0jtTdayBtiuiExoRDfl03TcU8DaxBMTPABAjqbDy-iB8KHNaiyscPPX9SLcfL_44zJT71RU779fvh0Z4jmQYCuxFcZc7MkSNnk1v6PSSONobeBeZ-BWF6AX49DhS_as2yJ4F9Pb8q/s1600/rocking+child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirYMo0jtTdayBtiuiExoRDfl03TcU8DaxBMTPABAjqbDy-iB8KHNaiyscPPX9SLcfL_44zJT71RU779fvh0Z4jmQYCuxFcZc7MkSNnk1v6PSSONobeBeZ-BWF6AX49DhS_as2yJ4F9Pb8q/s320/rocking+child.jpg" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*see note</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Don't ever say things like this to people:<br />
"Oh, so you had your girl and boy and then quit."<br />
"Aren't you glad you only have two?"<br />
"Well, at least you only have (insert # here) to put through college."<br />
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...Because it's rude. And you don't know what a person's story is. <br />
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My first child left my womb when I was only 7 weeks pregnant. I know I will see that boy or girl in heaven one day, but I still mourn that loss almost 14 years later.<br />
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I had a beautiful, unmedicated labor and delivery with my daughter (now 12). But with a platelet count of only 6,000 (normal is hundreds of thousands), and pinpoint bruises signifying bleeding under the skin, she was quickly transferred to a medical university. There she underwent blood transfusions and IVIG, and had ultrasounds on her body and brain to check for the internal bleeding that is highly likely with platelet levels that low. She didn't have any internal hemorrhaging, praise the Lord. And even though they thought she'd be in the hospital for weeks, I got down on my knees in my hospital room and prayed she'd be released early. God heard that prayer and she was released 3 days later - on my Birthday! I always tell her that she was my birthday present from the Lord.<br />
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Tests confirmed that her platelet issue was due to a genetic platelet incompatibility between my husband and me. We are 100% incompatible, and my body will always see the baby's platelets as foreign and attack them. They told us it wasn't a reason not to have kids - I could get treatments during the pregnancy to keep the baby healthy. Two years later, after an extremely difficult pregnancy (part of which I shared yesterday, and I'll share more about later in the month), I delivered my son by c-section under general anesthesia. His platelet count was only 7,000 (at 37 weeks gestation). All the treatments, with all their terrible side effects, did not work on me. So we had to make the very difficult decision not to have more children.<br />
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I always wanted a big family. God had other plans. Not long after I had my son, I started having symptoms that would later lead to a brain tumor diagnosis. I've been fighting my health ever since, so adoption hasn't been an option.<br />
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It still hurts me that God chose to limit my family size. I cried into the hair of one of my gorgeous little nieces as I rocked her to sleep the other day. But the Lord spoke to my heart. He is everything I need. I am blessed to have the children I have. I am blessed with 18 nieces and nephews (with more on the way). And I am blessed to have a profession where I get to be with women having babies. So I live vicariously through my family and my clients, and I lean on God when the disappointment shows up. And I try to smother all the little kids in my life with lots of love - yes, I am that aunt! Over the years, I have been learning to allow the Author to rewrite my story, trusting that His revisions to my plans are for the best.<i> </i><br />
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<i>A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps</i>. ~ Proverbs 16:9<br />
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<i>"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."</i> ~ Jeremiah 29:11</div>
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For more on plans: Read my post <a href="http://www.coffeeinthegarden.blogspot.com/2011/03/pause.html" target="_blank"><i>Pause</i></a>, on making plans and waiting on God.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Unfortunately, I don't know who to credit for this wonderful drawing. If it's yours, please tell me.</span><br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-40645577287936323222012-04-02T08:46:00.000-04:002012-04-04T08:43:34.224-04:00Biopsy<u>Biopsy: n, An examination of tissue removed from a living body to discover the presence, cause, or extent of a disease.</u><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSrqaWAJbQ3RXcwQsb5oT7Kn7oHenaIGa2gkn9Mqx0qxnOd0HwZRELU7FulUozjOPsPzDAKU3yZyIG58LQnTHmL2b-qzTxKSgs2iV7oyvkLjez4kE41UszMkd3YQ5hisH5-dzhhfwdZNzc/s1600/biopsy+funny.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSrqaWAJbQ3RXcwQsb5oT7Kn7oHenaIGa2gkn9Mqx0qxnOd0HwZRELU7FulUozjOPsPzDAKU3yZyIG58LQnTHmL2b-qzTxKSgs2iV7oyvkLjez4kE41UszMkd3YQ5hisH5-dzhhfwdZNzc/s200/biopsy+funny.gif" width="200" /></a>Whether you've had a biopsy or not, you probably know that to biopsy (verb) tissue, you have to remove it from a living body. And that is almost never fun. I've had a few. Some worse than others. Here's the rundown, in order from least to most difficult.<br />
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<i>Skin biopsy</i> (2011)- There's this thing that happens to my foot, which I'll tell you more about later in the month. The main thing to know right now is that the doctors are stumped as to what causes it. The last thing we did was a biopsy, which told them what it isn't, but not what it is. The area in question is the instep of my right foot. Big needle into highly inflamed, painful area. Stick, burn, need-my-deep-breathing pain. But after that it was really fascinating. They did what's called a punch biopsy, where they cut out a piece of flesh the size and shape of a pencil eraser, with a circular blade they just pressed into my skin. It was fun to watch since I couldn't feel it. I thought about posting the gross picture... but I'll spare you.<br />
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<i>Breast lump biopsy</i> (2006?)- After a mammogram (owwwch), and an ultrasound showed a suspicious lump in my breast a few years ago, I had to have what they call a core biopsy. They take several samples from the lump using hollow needles. I was numb for that too, though I can't remember how I got that way. This was worse than the skin biopsy because, one, location. And, two, the amount of pressure they had to put on that needle to get it into my breast - yawza! It didn't hurt, but it was extremely disconcerting feeling like they were going to go right through the other side! That biopsy showed benign cells, but after the lump continued to grow and change, I had to have it fully removed and biopsied again, just to be sure.<br />
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<i>Bone marrow biopsy</i> (2001)- Here's the absolute honest truth: I would rather have a baby with no drugs than ever have another bone marrow aspiration and biopsy. Oh. My. Gosh. It's been over 10 years, and the place where they did it (iliac crest) still aches sometimes. During my pregnancy with my son, my platelets, white cells, and hemoglobin counts kept dropping. I was hospitalized to find out why... thus the biopsy to check for Leukemia. It hurt like hell and I didn't have any family or friends there to comfort me. But the Lord was there. And, despite the pain, I was able to stay calm enough to warrant compliments from the doctors and all the onlookers (teaching hospital). I did not have Leukemia... more on that later.<br />
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<i>Brain tumor biopsy</i> (2004)- Ok, so I really considered placing this before the bone marrow biopsy on the scale of difficulty. I was asleep, after all. But they did cut pieces out of my skull and 1st and 2nd cervical vertebrae... and slice into my brain...and remove tissue very close to my brain stem. The recovery from that surgery was horrific. So, I don't know why I feel like the bone marrow biopsy was worse. They did get almost all the tumor. I did not have brain cancer... you guessed it, more on that later!<br />
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I also had biopsies done on a colon polyp and tissue from the lining of my bladder. But both of those were secondary to other procedures and so they don't really count, right?<br />
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Every biopsy brings a level of upheaval as life seems suspended, waiting for the results. Do I make those long-term plans, or don't I? What if the biopsy brings bad news? How can I wait so long to find out? In those moments when the unknown surrounds me, giving me nothing tangible to hold on to, I always find God ready to support me. He will not be surprised by the results. He has already written this scene.<br />
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-29016694698910691202012-04-01T09:00:00.000-04:002012-04-01T09:00:09.895-04:00Author<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzVj_Rm0etGxyJ_H6wXER7wxCbhVJJ242ciigNePhd0t03qyYdsTey627Yxf95WCgOIS7xDxxdOfTB-HGUzYtIU40aiJ0_D8C_azmdP7XNKxUiBOwT_EQjwjKbL-quPxodYEby_KJCCwGu/s1600/author.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzVj_Rm0etGxyJ_H6wXER7wxCbhVJJ242ciigNePhd0t03qyYdsTey627Yxf95WCgOIS7xDxxdOfTB-HGUzYtIU40aiJ0_D8C_azmdP7XNKxUiBOwT_EQjwjKbL-quPxodYEby_KJCCwGu/s1600/author.jpg" /></a></div>
I like to think of God sitting at a big oak desk, writing my story in actual ink on actual paper. Would he need to pause as he went, wondering what I should do next? Would he scratch things out and write them differently? Did he start with several possible endings in mind? Has he chosen one yet?<br />
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Of course, God doesn't sit at a big desk and write the stories of every person in the world. He doesn't need to, he just knows them. And each is important to him. God is the Author of my life, and I know the story he has written for me is perfect for me. All the health challenges in the world can't match for power and love my God has for me.<br />
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During the <a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/" target="_blank">A to Z Challenge</a>, I'll be telling you about some of the health challenges I've faced. And about the power and love God displayed through them. I hope you'll stay around and hear the whole crazy story!<br />
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I'm doing the Challenge on my other blog: <i><a href="http://www.coffeeinthegarden.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Coffee in the Garden</a></i>. There I'll be talking about some amazing things in God's creation. So check it out!<br />
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-32933524660664202932012-03-30T11:22:00.001-04:002012-03-30T11:22:32.224-04:00A 26 Day HistoryEver since I started this blog, I have been trying to think of an interesting way to share my long, crazy medical history. No need to bore you with, "and then I felt fine for a few months...yada, yada." So when someone told me about the A to Z Blog Challenge, I realized I found the way. 26 days in April, 26 blog posts, each having to do with a letter of the alphabet. Along with over 1500 other bloggers, I will start Sunday, April 1st and publish a new post every day except for the remaining Sundays. I'll share my history and what God has been teaching me in the context of a super fun challenge. It will be non-linear, and hopefully non-boring. <div>
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I'm also doing this challenge on my other blog - <i><a href="http://www.coffeeinthegarden.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Coffee in the Garden</a></i>. Visit me over there during April to read about the wonders of God's creation.</div>
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<br /></div>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-13974489713572914942012-03-16T10:27:00.001-04:002012-03-16T10:27:35.099-04:00InsignificanceIt's 10am. And already today I have run across several heartbreaking stories of people (one a little girl) fighting cancer.<br />
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The daily struggle to survive.<br />
Dealing with the aftermath of treatment.<br />
The constant feeling that death might not wait too much longer.<br />
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I also know people who struggle physically on so much higher a level than I do. My own brother is dealing with daily excruciating pain, the cause of which the doctor's haven't found yet.<br />
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And I feel insignificant. My story, my words. My life seems like puffy clouds and butterflies compared to so many others.<br />
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Days like this, I'm not sure what I'm doing. Why do I think I have anything important to say?<br />
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...other than I feel called to say it.<br />
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And I guess that's the only reason I need.<br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-35945128468526538922012-03-14T20:32:00.000-04:002012-03-14T20:32:08.473-04:00About This Blog<br />
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Medical
events have been an ongoing part of my life for over a decade. I can
remember that I was once "well," but I can't remember how that feels.
Correction - I do know how it feels to be well, because I get glimpses of it now
and then. Moments of reprieve where my body doesn't hate me. Sometimes it's a
few days, sometimes it's weeks or months. But, I can't remember how it feels to
not have a long medical history. To not have a neurologist, dermatologist, and
urogynecologist that I see regularly, and lots of other -ologists I've had to
see. To not have problems looking for diagnosis, and great doctors with no
answers. </div>
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I forget
how it feels to not wonder during the good times when it will get bad
again. </div>
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The Lord
has humbled me in my body - to rid me of the god of health and put Himself on
the throne as the Healer of my life. He is the Great Physician, but it has only
been as a sick person that I have really appreciated how great He is. And how
this Physician is more interested in my spiritual well-being than my physical
well-being. </div>
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By
breaking my body, He has strengthened my soul.</div>
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I live
with chronic illness. Not <i>a</i> chronic illness. My problems are varied and often
strange. If I'm not dealing with a long-term effect of the most major event of
my medical history - a brain tumor diagnosis in 2004 - then it will be some
random thing that I have to go to a doctor and track down an answer for. Living
like this is difficult. Some days it feels almost impossible. But I <i>am</i> in the
care of the Great Physician. And as I carry this cross, His strength is
sufficient for me. And I'm never going to stop talking about that. </div>
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This blog
came about because I was writing a book that I couldn't end. I fretted over what direction I should take it. When the answer came, I wrote about it on my <a href="http://www.coffeeinthegarden.blogspot.com/2011/12/on-biopsy-and-blog.html" target="_blank">other blog</a>, as part of another post:</div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">"As
I sat thinking about this last night, and continuing to fret over my book
dilemma, the Holy Spirit opened my heart to consider whether I really
understood what God wanted me to do. Then the revelation - God asked me to
write about it. He never asked me to write a book. That was my
"interpretation." Like yesterday when my daughter decided that when I
said, "go to your separate rooms," to her and her brother, I really
meant, "as long as you are quiet, you can be in the same room." Like
my daughter does with me, too often I view God's promptings through the lenses
of my own (insert fruit of my sinful nature here). <br />
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I started to think outside my own desires. It's a novel concept I should do
more often. An ongoing struggle needs an ongoing story.The full impact of my
story - the drama, suspense, fears, joys, prayers, and praises, all the highs
and lows - actually exists in the evolving nature of it. Let's say,
hypothetically, that I do eventually come to a place where I could put a The
End to my book. Consider the people that would read it, however many years from
now. I would hope that they could take something uplifting from it, that my
story would cause them to praise God and seek His strength for their own
trials. But they would miss the day in and day out, including the tangents and
gritty parts that the editor cut because they didn't forward the story or I
went over my page limit. For instance, I might want to communicate, "Hey,
my foot is acting up today and I'm struggling to keep my attitude in check because
I really wanted to hike with my family." That's the moment that doesn't go
in the book because it's not profound enough. It's also the moment that I need
a lot of prayer. It's times like that I want the family of God praying for me.
And I want people to say, "I know how you feel. Can you pray for me
too?." In the moment.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">So I decided to start another
blog, and give it the dedication I was giving to writing my book... before I
got stuck on where to go with it. It's called In the Care of the Great
Physician. My plan is to get it up and running after the first of the year.
It's not baseball, but I figure, if I write it... I know for sure there are a
lot of people like me with ongoing challenges, and I hope that the Lord can use
me to touch their lives, and them to touch mine" </span></i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It's the words that need saying, the vehicle isn't as
important right now. I want to inspire people, and be inspired by them. Maybe you need a
word of encouragement, or you can encourage me. I'd love to hear your story. </span></div>
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Thanks
for reading my blog. Have a blessed day, and come back soon!</div>
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<br /></div>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3902291598889739121.post-57150802253101158312012-02-15T20:07:00.000-05:002012-03-14T20:58:58.215-04:00IntroductionsI am a 35 year-old wife and homeschooling mother. My passions include writing, gardening, reading, camping, and all things birth and babies. Someday I hope to hike the entire Appalachian Trail in one year. I am outspoken and have strong opinions on things like healthy living, politics, religion, and parenting. Although I was raised in a religious household that gave me a solid belief in the God of Christianity, I only began a true relationship with Christ about 15 years ago. He is my Great Physician. The One who has held me and led me through a decade of medical issues galore. <br />
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I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. I wanted more children, but didn't have them. The limit on my family size is part of my medical drama. I've been a doula and childbirth educator for 10 years, recently adding prenatal dance classes to my list of childbirth services. <br />
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My almost-sane husband Russ is my best friend and love of my life. Often when I'm leaning on Christ, it is Russ that I'm leaning against. Although he is not a nurturer or caretaker by nature, Christ works through him to take care of me. Russ is a crane operator, and right now he's working and living 2 1/2 hours away, and we only see him a few days a week.We've been married for almost seventeen years!<br />
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Victoria is my dear pre-teen daughter. She has a heart for the Lord, and God is raising her up with a nurturing spirit. Because I've been dealing with medical challenges since she was little, she's had to take care of me and her younger brother a lot. I used to feel like I was ruining her childhood with all that responsibility. But then God showed me that He was using my illness to grow her into the person He wants her to be. Duh! Victoria loves crafts and writing. <br />
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My 10 year-old son Morgan (his first name is Gabriel, but we've called him by his middle name since birth) is a crazy bundle of energy and moodiness. He loves the Lord, but is constantly struggling to overcome his impulsiveness and negativity. Despite this, he is one of the sweetest boys I know. Morgan owns about a million Legos. We often find ourselves having to step gingerly around piles as he builds things in the hallway. <br />
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We also share our home with a loving boxer named Levi, a bearded dragon named Stripes, a ball python named cammo, 12 tarantulas, and a roach colony (to feed the lizard and tarantulas). <br />
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15320818402752231412noreply@blogger.com3